In the UK, the John Lewis Christmas advert has become a hallmark of the festive period. No matter the year, a consistent theme in most John Lewis Christmas adverts (and most other Christmas adverts too) is that of family, togetherness, and quality time with loved ones. In 2022, the department store created a slightly different story, and instead chose to spotlight a family getting ready to welcome a foster child into their home, just before Christmas.

The advert campaign was matched by a promise, by the department store’s charitable programme, Building Happier Futures, which sought to provide opportunities for children and young people in care in the form of apprenticeships. Additionally, in collaboration with other charities such as Action for Children, it would lobby for change in the care system. The advert campaign and its message were met with overwhelming positivity, yet was tinged with an acknowledgement that the government needed to be doing more.

In the year that has passed, the government has brought in new regulations around supported accommodation for 16 and 17-year-olds, which has been criticised by many, the number of children being taken into care has continued to increase, and a recent survey of councils by the Local Government Association found that a ‘lack of choice’ is fuelling an increase in the use of unsustainable, high-cost children’s social care placements (costing £10,000 or more per week).

It is evident that children’s social care is currently in crisis, as it has been for a long time. The impact of this pressure is undoubtedly felt by all involved, from social workers, residential children’s home workers, personal advisors, foster carers, birth family and parents, and even adoptive parents and families, too.

As we approach the festive season, it is important to look at what can be done to support those children and young people who are in care, in the process of leaving care or who are care leavers. This report will take stock of recent reports on issues surrounding children and young people in care over Christmas and will hear some essential learning from Cameron Draisey, a care experienced young person who works as a Child and Youth Voice Worker at Wiltshire Council, and Wendy Tomlinson, a social worker and manager who has managed services for children in care and young adults with care experience.

What we know about Christmas and the festive season for children and young people in care

Christmas can be a stressful and anxious time for many, layered with expectations and pressures of what it is ‘supposed’ to look like. For children and young people in care, and for care leavers, Christmas can be a time where traumas resurface, they feel lonely, like they don’t or can’t fit into the excitement and ‘buzz’, or they might feel angry or withdrawn.

In 2019, Worcestershire council posted a document on taking a trauma-informed approach to Christmas. The document was authored by Dr Adele Thacker from the Staffordshire Virtual School and was aimed at teachers, but the learning could easily be applied to social workers, residential care workers, foster carers and anyone else who might have contact with children and young people who are in care. Dr Thacker pointed out that for children and young people who are in care and at school or college, the pressures around what Christmas ‘should’ be are inescapable, as the excitement of school friends and fellow pupils and students is all around them.

For children and young people in foster care, Dr Thacker added that, “It can feel overwhelming to be surrounded by so much food and drink, to be meeting relatives of the foster family. A foster child may feel quite shy or anxious about meeting so many new people.”

Dr Thacker emphasised that any special occasion that centres ’family time’ can bring about conflict for a child or young person who doesn’t live with their birth family, from memories of “Christmases that went wrong”, to managing “conflicting loyalties” between foster parents and birth family. Dr Thacker outlined that this will likely lead to carers of traumatised children and young people managing “difficult situations at home”.

Dr Thacker highlighted that it is not only children and young people (whether they’re in care or not) who feel the stress and pressure of Christmas. For adults too, including professionals, teachers and foster carers, Christmas may bring up their own traumas and stress. In light of this, Dr Thacker recommended that it is important for teachers (again, this can be applied to other professionals and foster carers) to be aware of their own stress and emotional responses around Christmas.

The document concludes by outlining a series of nine recommendations for teachers to consider during the Christmas period, all through a trauma-informed lens. Some of these could be applicable to people working in children’s social care:

  • Being mindful of changes in behaviour in the run-up to Christmas
  • Adjust expectations and be mindful of de-escalation and “positive behaviour management”. This could include going out for a walk, time out in a quiet room, or engaging in art or music as an outlet
  • Dr Thacker recommends specific lessons tailored around stress and anxiety. For professionals working in children’s social care, this could include having general discussions around wellbeing in the run up to the festive season, without specifically linking it back to Christmas
  • Signposting children and young people to support available such as through Childline or Shout
  • Being aware that if a child or young person is talking incessantly about Christmas, this might be a sign of anxiety rather than excitement
  • Prepare a child or young person for changes in routine and consistency due to the festive period. This might include providing visual timetables
  • Maintaining contact over the Christmas break is a way to reassure children and young people in care that the period of change is temporary. For example, a short postcard, saying that you are looking forward to seeing the child again will remind them that they are being thought about and that there is still a safe base available to them.

The resurfacing of trauma around Christmas and the festive period is something that needs to be taken into consideration and is something widely known and understood by professionals and foster carers. Another facet to children and young people’s lives who are in care at this time of year is the potential of a foster placement falling through or being moved from one residential home/supported accommodation placement to another.

Navigating a period of uncertainty

This practice of being moved during the festive period can have a devastating impact on children and young people in care. Rebekah Pierre, a care experienced journalist, social worker and current Professional Officer for the British Association of Social Workers, had a particularly traumatic experience at the age of 16 where she was “kicked out” by her foster carer, by a note left on the kitchen table “Only a few days before Christmas.” She recalled, in a previous report for CareKnowledge that the experience was “The most traumatic thing I ever went through.”

Speaking to the specific themes of this report, she said: “Christmas is a particularly challenging time. As a social worker, I saw first-hand how this was a time of heightened instability and conflict, which always led to more children coming into care. It was around this time that a foster placement of mine broke down, which has stuck with me and tainted every Christmas since.”

The charity Become covered the movement of children and young people’s care placements over the festive period in a 2022 report. On the general impact of moving children in care out of their placements, the report said, ‘It can make them feel as though they have no agency over their lives, and that their lives, relationships and connections can be uprooted at any time.’

Some of the report’s key findings were:

  • Over the Christmas period (measured as from the 18th of December 2021 to the 3rd of January 2022) on average, 79 children in England were moved per day
  • 32% of children in care in England were moved two or more times throughout that period.

The report acknowledges that sometimes, a move or change in placement might be a positive one, where a child or young person is moved to a more ‘suitable’ or ‘longer term home’ in the run up to Christmas. The report adds that social workers might be ‘going the extra mile’ to get a child into a more appropriate placement in time for Christmas.

However, the report emphasises that moving home over Christmas can have a significant impact due to the ‘symbolism’ of Christmas, as it represents ‘family time’. The report highlighted some other concerns for children and young people around moving over Christmas, such as transport not being available over Christmas, to schools being closed. These factors mean that children and young people’s ability to engage with their usual ‘distractions’ or support network of friends and loved ones is hindered by ‘normal life’ shutting down for a few days.

The reasons behind moving children around the Christmas period were varied, but most moves were due to ‘placements’ breaking down or ‘no longer being able to meet the needs of the child’.

Taking the importance of being trauma-informed into consideration, as well as how placement changes might affect children and young people in care over the Christmas period, it is essential to ask, what can professionals and foster carers do to make this time of year easier for those children and young people?

Working with children and young people in care to make sure Christmas and the festive season meets their needs

Something that immediately came to mind for Wendy Tomlinson, from her years of practice in social care and managing children’s services, was the idea of finding a way to honour traditions that are important to a child or young person. Communicating with a child or young person about what is important to them on Christmas Day might be a really painful conversation, Wendy said, because “there are some things you can’t recreate, like seeing Mum, Dad or a sibling.”

However, Wendy pointed out that, “You might be able to say, 'What is it about that that we could honour for you?' It might be that a child or young person can’t see their grandma anymore, but one of the things grandma always did when she was making Christmas dinner was having Christmas songs on the radio, so you find a way to have Christmas songs on the radio when dinner is being made.”

Wendy added that honouring traditions is also about figuring out how what young people 'see' as Christmas, and understanding what they want it to be. At the same time, the young person should be supported so that they “can see their own power in creating their own traditions, whether that’s for Christmas of another festival around that time.”

This point is an important one as it acknowledges that not all children and young people in care will want to celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense. She noted that, for example, they might feel more connected to another holiday during the festive period, such as Hannukah, and social workers, residential care workers, personal advisors and foster parents/family should also be prepared to support children and young people who want to celebrate differently.

Another interesting point became clear when considering the findings from a 2020 research paper from Sheffield Hallam University, where researchers found that carers sometimes ‘overcompensated’ at Christmas with their foster child/young person. The paper found that such experiences could be ‘overwhelming for a looked after child and affect the relationship between them and their foster carer.’ On this, Wendy, observed that she has often seen this ‘overcompensation’ and that it “comes from a really good place.”

Wendy recalled a case with a couple of boys who had gone into foster care who had lived in extreme poverty, saying that their access to basic necessities, like bedding, towels, and clothes was limited. Those two boys eventually went into foster care, where, “There was an abundance of all those things, where they very quickly had plenty of good quality clothes and plenty of good quality toys. There was a moment when they loved it, almost like kids in a candy store, but actually it was quite overwhelming.”

An important detail from this anecdote was that the longer-term plan for those boys was to eventually go back to their mum, but, “There was a big disparity between the conditions in the family home and what Mum could provide – even when she was doing really well – and the foster home.” This is an important dynamic to consider, where this impulse to overcompensate might cause a foster child to struggle more when they eventually return to their birth home. If there are lots of presents and clothes, Wendy stated plainly that, “Those belong to that child now, they go with them when they return home.”

For Cameron Draisey, who is care experienced and works with young people as part of his work at Wiltshire Council, avoiding the potential for overwhelm is all about putting yourself in the child’s shoes. From his own experience, he recalled a Christmas with his foster family where he made it clear to them that he didn’t want to be the centre of attention, and this was respected and was worked into how Christmas day itself played out. “My foster siblings came over and we did it as a family, so I wasn’t directly the centre of attention, but I really enjoyed the time together.”

Cameron continued, “That overcompensation can sometimes be too much, you don’t want to feel like you’re the centre of attention, if you’re having all these gifts or exciting experiences thrown at you. It’s nice to be a part of it but not at the centre of it. I do think sometimes, if people think you’ve had a rough time the year before, they think they need to make up for it but that’s not always the case.”

Building on the idea of creating a day around what a child or young person actually wants (like with Cameron’s example of not being the centre of attention), Wendy felt foster carers, social workers, personal advisors and staff at residential children’s homes should always be listening and willing to take their lead from the child or young person. She elaborated that sometimes this might be really obvious, like a child asking to have spaghetti hoops on toast for Christmas dinner. In that scenario, she said, just “go with it”.

“If a foster family has turkey for Christmas dinner but a child wants spaghetti hoops on toast, go with it for the moment. Ask them if there’s anything else they’d really like as well as the spaghetti hoops on toast. Likewise, ask them if there’s anything they really want to do, any movies they really want to watch, just help them to engage with a sense of celebration and do so gently.”

Engaging with a sense of celebration can be difficult for children in care, however. Wendy explained how being showered with attention and positive affirmations like “You’re doing really well”, could potentially be triggering for a child coming into a foster placement or children’s home, especially if that’s something they’re not used to at home. Again, to avoid that, Wendy came back to taking lead from the child. She also felt it was important to add a message to foster carers, social workers or people who work in children’s homes, saying “Your endeavour to want to do the best for a child or young person and make up for any perceived or real deficit, that’s a good thing, that’s a beautiful thing. Don’t put yourself down for that, just be ready to take it at their pace.”

When broaching the topic of Christmas with a child or young person and attempting to figure out how they want to be supported to spend their time over the Christmas period, Cameron felt the initial approach was of utmost importance. Importantly, he suggested doing it indirectly, “You don’t want to be directly asking them, ‘Are you worried about Christmas?’ I think it’s about putting the topic out there, asking, ‘What are you up to this Christmas?’ ‘What do you think you want to do?’ Exploring options with them and allow them to tell you about their feelings, if they feel comfortable.”

From his own experience, Cameron would spend Christmas Day with his foster family and foster siblings, which was what he wanted, but he also acknowledged for some that it’s a time of year where they might wish to be with their birth family. Cameron also highlighted the importance of supporting a child or young person to see their birth family around Christmas, if that’s what they want. He said, “Sometime, between the 20th and the 25th, I’d usually see my birth family at a family time or contact centre, which absolutely worked best for me. I do think it’s really important to have that experience.”

In discussing birth family visits, an important notion for professionals and foster carers to consider is the idea of having two Christmases. If this is a possibility, thought must be given to what this would look like for each child, as well as the practicalities of working this into Christmas plans. 

For Cameron, the family time centres were essential in facilitating this. He recalled how they’d play Christmas music and families could cook Christmas dinner together because they had a kitchen and dining room. “It felt very homely,” he said, “But it also felt very safe as well.” Cameron remarked that, as there was always someone close by if needed, it allowed him to feel safe enough to have those visits most years.

Managing anxiety, trauma and difficult experiences

For many children and young people in care, memories around Christmas with their birth family can be tinged with trauma. As the report from Become alluded to, Christmas being a time of heightened stress and pressure can result in it being a time where there is an increase in adverse childhood experiences for families that are already struggling. As such, Wendy felt it was necessary to consider how there needs to be space made for difficult emotions and behaviour at Christmas time.

“There are times where that might be quite obvious,” she said. “It can be almost linear in how it appears. You might know something specific happened in a child’s life at Christmas and therefore it’s a difficult time. I think it’s really important to be allowing and honouring those feelings.”

On the topic of potential challenging behaviour during the Christmas period, Wendy explained that the way a child behaves is often a way for them to try and communicate something. Listening to a child doesn’t just mean picking up on oral cues, it’s also about picking up on behavioural changes - for example, if a normally very verbal, chatty child has gone quiet, that could be an opportunity for a carer to check-in. “It’s often a manifestation of something that’s not easy to say,” Wendy explained, “Sometimes they can’t ask for help, so they’ll act out instead. All behaviour is communication.”

One issue raised by Cameron, around the lack of escape, was echoed in the Become report. “It’s a time where the world gets put on hold for a few days,” he said, “The stereotypical expectation to stay at home and spend time together, and it’s a lot of pressure on a young person in foster care because they feel like there’s no escape. They might really enjoy their time with their foster carers but on a normal day they can go between being with them and maybe if they’re feeling uncomfortable, they can escape by catching a bus and going to the park with some friends. At Christmas, they might be feeling intense emotions, but they’re stuck in one place, [and] they can’t have a break from it.”

Therefore, Cameron felt it was important that children and young people in care at Christmas are given both the physical space – maybe a bedroom or another room in the house or residential home, away from the chaos and excitement of Christmas – and the required emotional space. Cameron said foster carers or residential home workers might even begin to see behaviour in a young person they’ve not seen before or don’t recognise. He added that this shift in behaviour can sometimes be read by foster parents as being ungrateful. He explained, “You might be offering them amazing gifts, cooking amazing food, and they might not react how you expect, but they’re not being ungrateful at all. They’re just feeling very overwhelmed by the love they’re receiving, but maybe lack the space to be on their own and gather their thoughts.”

As demonstrated in the report by Become, placements falling through and children and young people being moved during the Christmas period can have a huge impact on their ability to feel safe and settled. On this, Wendy commented that, ideally, this practice should be avoided at all costs. Yet, when it is absolutely necessary, the main priority should be to create stability.

In the case of a child unexpectedly coming to a foster placement close to Christmas, Wendy felt that it was important to make sure that the child is prioritised and that plans are put in place to include them in celebrations in some way, even if the family has previous plans.

In such circumstances, Wendy cited the Mockingbird Family Model as a possible solution. Under this model, a community of foster carers and families can rally around a child, ensuring they have options and can choose what they’d prefer to do. Having choice – even if it’s only over what activity a child is doing on Christmas Eve – can feel important to some children and young people. However, she did caveat this by saying that “Some children don’t need the choice, they need the safety of knowing somebody is organising it for them, so it’s about knowing what that child needs.”

For Cameron, the crux of the issue around moving placements so close to Christmas is the uncertainty that comes with it. Here, Cameron has several key questions which he feels should be considered early on in such a move: “Is the new placement going to be close enough to your birth family? Is it going to be close enough to your friends? Who would you want to be able to see around Christmas or during the Christmas break from school? Can you get transport to see your birth family and friends?”

In the case of a child or young person being moved out of county, Cameron felt that the most fundamental question for the child - depending on their age and independence was: “Who’s going to be there and who’s going to celebrate with me?” This care experienced perspective from Cameron shows how important having the choice to see birth family around Christmas is to young people in care.

Though their experience comes from different angles, both Wendy and Cameron cover some vital common themes here. For example, a sense of gentleness when broaching the topic of Christmas with children in care; creating both physical and supportive space for emotions; allowing a child or young person to take the lead – even if that means them having spaghetti hoops on toast for Christmas dinner; giving them choice in Christmas activities they partake in; and the opportunity to see birth family. Above all though, the important thing is to centre the child’s voice and listen to their words and their behaviour.